Meet Our Contributors: Kyle's Story
Today, we are very excited to introduce you to Kyle. Kyle's essay focuses on what it is like to be a partner to someone experiencing pregnancy loss. We often hear about what it is like when a woman goes through a miscarriage or pregnancy loss but rarely do we get to read a male's perspective. We are honoured to share what pregnancy loss felt like for Kyle and we hope this essay may help other men going through a similar experience. Thank you so much, Kyle!
*Through, Not Around is available for pre-order now on Amazon or Indigo and will be available in print on February 19, 2019.*
1) Why did you decide to share your story in Through, Not Around and with the 16 Percent community?
My wife often reads stories on social media about other parents and what they are going through. Whether it is about raising a child, losing a child, basically anything that is parenting-related. She told me about the 16 Percent and asked if it was okay to share our story, on what I believed would be through an online forum. After I watched her writing away, I thought to myself, I wonder if they have any male perspectives on the matter? I contacted The 16 Percent and asked if they’d like my account of our loss and what I went through. I hope that by sharing my perspective, another man might read it and take comfort in the fact that they may have the same feelings I had when we were going through our own losses.
2) Has writing about your experience helped you heal in any way? What have you learned through this experience so far?
I’ve always believed in the power of catharsis, and this was no different. When I started writing my account, I made sure I was alone in a quiet place so I could really reflect. Of course I did go and check with my wife every once in a while to make sure I wrote down the events accurately. I think the real healing started once I got writing and really thinking about every detail, emotion, appointment, and conversation that we had. At times, it was hard to keep writing, as some parts were much more emotional than other parts. When I finished, I felt a sense of relief, knowing I shared my story as accurately as possible and in a way, I got to tell my babies in heaven that I’ll never forget them and will always love them.
3) Tell us more about you. What are your hobbies/passions/pursuits?
I am an elementary school Health and Physical Education teacher in my tenth year as an educator. Other than wanting to own some acreage in the country and open a dog sanctuary, my passions revolve around athletics and adventure. I love playing hockey in the winters and racing in triathlons or runs in the summers if my kids allow me to have any training time. Before kids, my wife and I loved to travel around the world, with our last trip taking us around South America for just over a month. Hopefully we will be able to resume our non-all-inclusive travels with our kids when they mature a little bit.
4) What is your favourite quote?
“You miss 100% of the
shots you don’t take”